Once And For All
by Awsum Grammar Nazi
Summary: In which Mysterion is forced to propose on national television in an attempt to end Chaos. Superhero AU. Rated T to be safe. Part 1/3 of the Cupid Cartman series.


The Coon's bar was a local hot-spot for young vigilantes. It was a place to relax and exchange information on repeat criminals as heroes awaited their next call. You'd walk in without a costume to keep the regular citizens from finding out, head over to the bathroom, and slip silently into the secret door in the handicapped stall. The nice part about it being through a stall is that you could easily change into costume there. Surprisingly enough though, after going to this bar a few times as a new hero, everyone would eventually stop bothering with the costumes. At least, they wouldn't bother with the mask. The rest was more convenient to already have on if you had to leave in a rush.

Human Kite, known by his friends as Kyle, sipped at his drink through a straw. His head rested on his right hand as he stared off in boredom. He hadn't gotten any calls in a few days. He knew he wasn't one of the more… _popular_ heroes, but at least he didn't fail often. Beside him sat ToolShed, already two sips from drunk off his ass. Why he got any calls, Kyle wasn't sure. Then again, maybe Stan just had better powers. Better to the point where people didn't care if he was drowning himself in alcohol every night. Kyle sighed.

The door opened to reveal the host of the bar himself. The Coon waddle-ran to the bar, hoisting his pudgy self onto the bar stool to the left of Kyle. He was practically vibrating with excitement. "Hey you guuyyyss." He sang out. "Happened to see something, ahem, interesting tonight." The shit-eating grin on his face was purely Cartman, nobody else could pull off such a look at someone else's expense. He pulled out his phone, careful not to scratch it with his "claws" as he tapped on his gallery, scrolling through it for the incriminating photo he'd managed to snap. "Check it out." He said smugly, passing the phone to Kyle.

The Human Kite took the phone, curiosity getting the better of him, before his eyes shot open. "Oh my god, is that Kenny? With Butters?! What the hell? What the actual hell…" The image on the screen showed two familiar blondes kissing. Two blondes that the three of them had grown up with. Two blondes that they all knew should definitely not be together. It was against their unwritten code. Not only that, but a hero as popular as Mysterion? Making out with literally the worst villain in Denver? It was unheard of! Sure, they were out of costume and this was so wrong to be looking in on, but this in itself was so wrong.

Kenny chose that moment to enter the bar, decked out in his full Mysterion costume. His roughened hero voice sounded behind them as he walked up. "Hey guys, what's up?" His voice was dark, a dangerous lilt to it. Kyle had to mentally remind himself that this was normal. Kenny had fabricated a fairly dark and mysterious persona for "Mysterion" despite the fact that no one else had bothered to screw with their voices and personalities when they'd first become heroes.

The Coon grinned, his false innocence obvious. "Oh nothing _Mysterion_ just looking at a rather interesting picture I happen to have." He smugly passed the phone to the other hero and watched Mysterion's eyes go wide, then narrow. The bar suddenly felt ten degrees colder as Mysterion's face rose to meet Cartman's shit-eating grin head on.

"Where did you get this?" Kyle shuddered at the dark response. He may have known the blonde his whole life, but damn was Kenny _scary_ when he wanted to be. Hopefully he wasn't actually planning to join Chaos, that could be detrimental to all of them.

"Oh nowhere." Cartman smirked. "I just thought, you know, that everyone had a right to know where your loyalties _actually_ lie 'Mysterion.'"

Kenny growled, slamming the phone down on the bar and making the screen flicker. "My loyalties always have and always will lie with the right side of the law _Coon_."

The entire bar's attention had now been drawn to the scene. Sure, plenty of heroes got pissed off by Cartman regularly. That still didn't mean it wasn't fun to watch. The Coon's grin widened as he grabbed his phone back, flaunting the photo like he'd won first place in the art show. "Then what, per say, do you call this, ahem, incriminating photo my friend? Because, to me, it looks like you and Chaos making out in your regular day clothes."

Mysterion's face flushed, either from embarrassment or anger, and he lunged forward. His hands surrounded The Coon's neck as he shoved him to the ground, pressing his thumbs into his throat to cut off his air-flow. "Dude, Kenny, cut it out! You're gonna kill him, man!" Kyle shouted from somewhere above.

"P-prove it." Cartman croaked out. "Prove th-that your still-" A harsh cough wracked his body from the lack of oxygen. "Still a hero, Kinny." Kenny slowly pulled back his thumbs, allowing The Coon to breath.

"And how exactly do you want me to prove it fat-ass?"

"It's time you end Chaos once and for all… by your own hands."

* * *

This was stupid. Kenny was regretting ever agreeing to this. He let out a shuddering breath. Sure, it wasn't like he hadn't _wanted_ to propose to Butters. He really did want to be with him for the rest of his life, as fucked up as all of this was. Could he really go through with this though? There was no way Butters would think he was serious. He'd definitely think he was using him. That he had been all this time. He sighed in frustration, wanting to run his fingers through his hair. He stopped himself just in time, accidentally removing his hood here would be a bad idea.

The interviewer smiled at him from across the set, giving him an encouraging little wave. The in-studio audience tried to crane their necks to see who she was waving at. Finally, the show started. The interviewer announced herself, then spouted off a brief introduction for her guest star; Mysterion. Mysterion put on his work face and walked onto set. He was too nervous for a flashy entrance, and he needed to get the seriousness of this across. Otherwise, Leo was definitely gonna dump him.

"Hello Mysterion, glad you could be here with us today." The peppy interviewer said. Mysterion grunted in acknowledgement, never one of many words. She steamrolled on regardless. "Now, you said you had something special you wanted to announce?" She prompted. Kenny took a deep breath, mustering all of his courage as he stood and faced the cameras. He carefully got onto one knee, pulling a small box out from his costume. The crowd watched in shock as he spoke in his usual growl.

"Professor Chaos. I know we're supposed to be enemies, that I'm supposed to hate you." He took a breath. "I can't. I haven't been able to hate you for a long, long time." Kenny paused as the door in the back of the studio opened and Butters, decked in full Professor Chaos regalia stepped in, slowly making his way to the stage. "I love you Chaos." Kenny went on. "Please look past our differences and marry me. Please give up crime and be mine."

Kenny was breathless as Professor Chaos swung himself on stage. A deep chuckled resonated from his chest and the supervillain tried to contain himself. "Is this some kind of a joke? A hero, proposing to me on national television? Did The Coon set you up to this _Mysterion_ or do you just like fucking with people? Give up my life of crime? To be with you? If you want me so bad, then shouldn't _you_ be the one switching sides."

That last part had been a statement. Mysterion screwed his eyes shut, debating on something, before he opened them again. A new determination shined brightly in his eyes. He stood, stepping toward the man of his dreams. This was now or never. "You really think I would go through with something like this if I didn't mean it? Yeah, Coon may have suggested it, but you know I'm not pathetic enough to take his threats seriously." He continued to step closer to the other blond. "I'm serious Chaos, I love you with every fiber of my being." Kenny wanted so badly to drop the Mysterion act and tell him as Leo that he meant the world to him. He'd never imagined proposing like this, with the whole world watching. He understood it though. They could never be accepted, unless this happened. Once again, he dropped to one knee and presented his ring. "Marry me Chaos. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I _need_ to be with you for the rest of my life."

Chaos still didn't look convinced. His face twisted in a sneer as he took in the hero before him. "Ya know, I've always wondered how you guys could call yourselves superheroes. It's kind of ironic really, with the way you guys have always treated the people around you." He let his eyes roam Mysterion. He didn't let the hurt show, that Kenny was making a spectacle out of this, as he went on. "Why don't you just admit that you don't really belong on the _right_ side of the law. It'd make things a whole lot easier for us all."

"I know, I'm not the best person. I know that I don't deserve you. Not after everything we've put you through, after everything _I've_ put you through. I know I don't deserve to call myself a hero." Mysterion's voice cracked. It was getting hard for him to hold in the tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. This was his last shot. If Butters didn't believe him, he'd lose the one person that really mattered. Well, besides Karen, because that was a given. "But I can't help wanting to do the best I can to make this world just a little less shitty." He sniffled. "I know you want that too. I know you work towards that in your own way Chaos. I know you've been through a lot. I know your childhood, _our_ childhood, was hell. You have to believe me Leo, I need you. I can't live without you. Please, _please_ be mine."

Chaos' eyes went wide. Kenny had just used his _actual_ name on _national_ television. The tears in his boyfriend's eyes were real. The unshakable, fearless Mysterion was terrified of this, of being rejected. The audience was silent. The name had elicited shocked gasps and now they waited with bated breath for the evil professor's response. Chaos sighed. He wanted to run from this mess, but doing so would only hurt the man before him. A soft smile spread across his face as he looked down at Kenny. Sure, he was here in full hero costume, proposing desperately on national television. Sure, this was going to get a lot of backlash. Sure, he'd be agreeing to give up his life as a villain. Maybe it was worth it though. Maybe it was time to put an end to Professor Chaos. "Alright." Chaos grinned. "I suppose I can't say no to that face."

Kenny smiled as he slipped the ring onto Chaos's gloved finger. Chaos gripped his hand before he could remove it, yanking Mysterion up to plant a chaste kiss on his lips. After a long moment, they pulled apart, breathing a bit heavier, with all the love in the world in their eyes. "Mysterion," Chaos breathed. "I love you too."

"You'd better after I went through all the trouble to steal that ring for you." The hero smirked up at the ex-villain playfully. Chaos snorted in response and joined their lips once again.

Somewhere off to the side, Cartman squawked at the mention of the stolen ring. One of the heroes in _his_ union stealing?! It was an outrage. He'd have to have a little chat with Mysterion when he showed up for work tomorrow. That was for sure.

...What he did not expect, was one Professor Chaos showing up at Coon's the next day, strolling confidently in after his new fiance.


End file.
